All The Flowers-- Are Not Dead, Yet.

So, i've been on this site a couple of times since my resignation; i love the colors on this page---they're so cute. so i was re-reading stuff then i realized i only had 5 blogs; eww--5? so i decided to not necessarily make a comeback, its more like the cherry on top of the ice cream that i forgot.

Might as well splurge about what ive been doing in the meant time. So hmm. i've been just hanging out with Mariah alot. now at first the title of this was going to be "She Said '6' Was the Magic Number'; but then i realized i couldnt make a whole real cool blog about '6'---then gain i could but whatever i changed it okay. jeez

All The Flowers--Are Not Dead, Yet.
so like we all i know, im limited on friends but i do have alot of people that i love and that make my life seemingly happy.i realized all my other blogs were just about me? like wtf greedy sua greedy---and i dont think i tell people enough how much i appreciate them. so

Mariah Lee---Who would've everrr thought we'd be as thick as thieves in vegas?
Initially, i didnt like Mariah but once i got to know her it was like we were Destined to be cool. We have a friendship where we both like seriously need each other. like i specialize in certain areas *cough* boys/relationships, and she specializes in just me not being dumb and she helped me realize that i shouldnt have to lower my standards just to have "decent" friends. man she made me realize how alot of my 'friends' treat me bad. smh like i was in denial but then i saw it. but anyways i love her she makes me happy everyday. she stays faithful---no phony stuff. we fuss, hell yeah we Fight! but at the end of the day she's one of the only people that i feel like is here for me permanently. dont know what imma do when she leaves me on August 20th, 2009 :/

Shakila Caroll---Team purple cancer. Everyone knows i love shakila. she keeps it 100 like no matter what. my whole life i've been plagued with "friends" who were always too scared to tell me something, because they were afraid of what i would say. tf, thats some shit. i hate when ppl do that but shakila is the girl who could care less. she doesnt bite her tongue, niether do i which is why i feel like we connect. we're both so determined with our dreams its so coooool. we dont even have to talk everyday, but we both know like sua still there. shakila still there and niether one of us aint ever gonna change. short story shorter---she's one of my more stabilized friends who i love and appreciate mostly because i've rarely come across such a good quality of a friend since like ever.

its always hard to figure out who comes after mariah and shakila lol, like cuz i dont want ppl to be mad and i dont wanna have to through another person in the list because i feel obligated to do so.
well here are categories: i guess

Longest: Alisha Ward & Vanissa Venable---they are basically like the same person. conjoined at the Hip these two. but i love them because they are ppl i love to have fun with. admittedly i feel like i have definetly fallen out the wagon. like yall like the 'epitome' of how i would want my relationship ith my 'bestfriend' to be. like im just the thirdy lol im not tryna down our friendship cuz whenever we together---shiiiit we b together but idk like when im not there yall just have this bond that i want with someone. BUT YALL DONT TELL ME NOTHING
cool kids though,love yall.

Most Interesting: Miles Blount, Yvette Pappoe, Marcus Wilson & Edem Kwame.
lol cool group, cool group.
Miles B---I dont understand our friendship, like no matter how much we hate eachother like we always bounce back. you're my favorite person to argue with only because i know we're always gonna b cool again. but 'cool' isnt even a good word to describe us like idk. you make me Happy =] Sad =[ Laugh :D Mad :| Furious XO Confused :? and all the other emotions you can think of, but idk its funnn its entertainment. and idk i guess i kinda almost maybe possibly shockingly obviously love you ! the only thing about you now that i think i like hate is ur new found vernacular: like tf learn how to turn it on an off, and that doesnt mean "dumbing it down" just because regualr ppl arent splurging on vocabulary doesnt mean its "dumb talk" ugh yeah i rlly hate that. ugh that so annoys me. ugh now im in an "ugh" mood thanks miles!
Yvette P---Skeleeeeeee, my dearest. real cool, real chills. u always like make me feel like i can do anything like when im struggling or doubting u always give me that push and like i appreciate it like at least SOMEONE believes in me and my dreams lol. crap* u even believe in me when I dont even believe in me which is cool. thats like a gift! wooohoo go gifted and talented! i mean u b havin ur fair share of issues but thats what Miles is for! lol but yeah ur like one of those friends who i feel like is not going anywhere for a while. u love me u cant get enough of me :p and i love you too. if i HAD to say anything bad about you it would be that for some reason its like u have to be friends with like everyone. like idk how u can b cool with everyone its crazy but idk mayb its not a bad thing idk disregard that lol.

Marcus W.---i want you to be my bestfriend. like if i could have a bestfriend it would be SO cool if it was you lol. like mainly because we're like almost opposites and yet like i love you. ur kinda mean which is pretty funny. but then ur all cool idk i dont think there's a word for you. im so Stoked about our Tree--its gonna b so cool haha! uhm, its wierd how like i feel like i can tell you everything yet i cant tell you anything like idk idek what that means like, we b talking and stuff then we wont talk for like 6 days then we bounce right back lol its like when somebody pressed pause, then play, pause then play lol.

Edem Kwame--- see now idk if i threw u in this group because i felt 'obliged' to do so because everyone in this group i ur friend or what but idk. it still amazes me how i was able to like talk to u, lol like i rlly cant understand how i was ever so willing to talk to u of all people. not you of all people but u know what i mean like we never even used to talk like that. but uhm yeah i like u because ur kinda sad and unsure on the inside, lol like me and i think thats cool . i wish i could beat the confidence outta you--ur like really smart but u dont think so smh what a tard.

now im pretty over this being nice stuff. like thats all the main people i can think about.
random crap:
--i miss my ex bestfriend labreea and ayana like all the time.
--i love how Jheri and i are actually getting like close lol smh
--for some reason i feel like calling miles, but he's prolly busy.
--i wonder when i shall go to the tree
--the top of my back is BURNING lol idky
--i like txting vanissa at 9:11 and saying " hey its 9.11" or at 3:14 and saying "its pie" or occassionally at 6:28 when ive stayed up all night and saying "its my birthday" lol
--i need a Pep...to bismol lol haha u thought i was gonna say Pepsi smh
--i cant wait weight waiitttt to lose wieght lol
okay im done, see you guys in another 6 months or 6 days or 6 years---who knows.
maybe even 6 minutes lol sike nah not that one.
*sorry about errors, im too lazy to re-read this long ass shit to correct em.
:]

The Death of It.

Yeah, so as we all can see---this blogspot crap is just not for me [i did not mean to rhyme lol. A good question is "why did you make one sua?", and clearly it was just out of vengeance. Miles said some crap, and my retaliation was to make a whole thingy? lol smoooooothmove sua.
*this crap is not interesting.like everybody makes their crappy lives sound so interesting and idk how to like i just DONT know how to write crap all flowery and nice. and idk its just dumb and im giving it up for my virtual diary, which is in my brain. i write in it everyday =]
but yeah like who am i kidding. i planned on making this nice and long and ORGANIZED but after the first line i just quit, and am currently typing what im thinking---censoring my thoughts just a tad, because my mind is constantly scattered and im sure u dont wanna hear about danny phantom, a +AA Energizer battery or this tiny square piece of green paper[current thoughts]. its just too random.
so yes, its all over now. im sure no one expected me to last as long as i did lol so..
so long fair well, my friends we'll say good byeee *Adieu, Adieu to you and you and youuuu.

Doe a Deer-a Female Deer
ray, a drop of Golden sunnn
Me a name i call my self
far a longlong way to run
sew a needle pulling thread
La a note to follow sew
Tea a drink with jam an bread
sorrrrrry; i like singing that song alot in my brain lolololol

So You Think You Can Dance: Jeanine Mason

-These are the Top Four Finalists, of one of my favorite shows 'So You Think You Can Dance'.
[Kayla,Brandon,Jeanine,Evan]

My personal favorites---since auditions were Kayla and Brandon. Brandon omg; most talented dancer i've ever seen, like just can do anything. As for Kayla, she has theee longest legs and she never took a wrong step either* i just have been in love with brandon since he auditioned for season 4 and was rejected so it hit home when Jeanine won tonight.
Dont get me wrong i love Jeanine, she has spice and is cool--they all deserved to win, but i just would've preferred to see Brandon triumph just because he's been working so damn hard. He did however, accomplish top 2 and he will forever be a legend in the show's history; so i guess its not so bad.
-My favorite performance from Jeanine, was when she was paired with Jason ♥ with a Travis Wall contemporary routine. first of all Travissss omg sexy/gifted dancer like jeez---how bout that bench routine?!! so anywho, this was his first time choreographing. i think i loved this routine so much mainly because thechoreography was beautiful, Jason&Jeanine are smokin' hott, and the songggg "If it Kills Me"-Jason Mraz. gosh! thank God for Tivo; i watched that performance about 100times.



Top 10: So You Think You Can Dance Everr---
1.Hometown Glory-Katie and Joshua[Mia Michaels]
2. The Hummingbird and the Flower-Hok and Jamie[Wade Robson]
3. The Bench- Travis and Heidi[Mia Michaels]
4. The Flower Dance-Niel and Lacey[Mia Michaels]
5. Bleeding Love- Mark and Chelsea[Tabatha and Napoleon]
6. Pas De Deux- Will and Katie[Desmond Richardson]
7. Addiction- Kayla and Kupono[Mia Michaels]
8. Ramalama (Bang Bang)-Wade Robson
9. If It Kills Me- Jason and Jeanine[Travis Wall]
10. All I Want-Brandon and Kayla[Stacey Tookey]
these are not in order actually, so idk why i numbered them---i really actually loved 'mercy' with katie and twitch. and the bed one with carrington and twitch . and the breast cancer one with melissa and ade.
*anyways, Congrats to Jeanine---can't WAIT for the fall season 6!!
oh yeaah, '6' is mi numero favorito.

Kanye West--Amber Rose

" It Seems, We Living thee American Dream---"

The Irony of "Friends".

*Friend [noun]- a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
*Bestfriend [noun]- an intimate companion; held in one's highest regards; most important

Now, i forget why i wanted to define those words lol, but uhm yeah "Friend".
i guess everybody has different definitions of "friend"; some people consider a "friend" a person who they associate with, but then why would "associate" and "friend" be like two different words? i dont really care for all the other defintions of "friend" but the two i listed above are relatively close to my own personal definition.
i have a lot of associates often mistaken for friends. Im pretty friendly, so i interact with all kinds of people and form some type of bond with them almost instantly. However, at the end of most days i just think "who are my friends?".
Who are my friends?
like realrealreal friends.

*Friend-a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
Now, to me this definition would be perfect for "associate", like most of the people i have relations with i am attracted to with feelings of affection or personal regard. This does not mean we are friends. this does not mean i would spill my whole life story to you. this does not mean i would go to a party with you. this does not mean i will share a can of pepsi, and a box of oreos with you. No, it just means "hey, i think you're a cool person. Blazay-Blazay."
like maybe we have something in common and yada yada, but to me that doesnt mean "friend" it means "hey we have something in common, i think you're kinda cool._"
Now from that thought on you either could potentially be considered a "friend", meaning i find more interest in you and we just go beyond; or you stay in the associate zone.

so wtfsuathenwhatsthedamndifferencebetween'friend'and'bestfriend'idiot!

*Bestfriend-an intimate companion;held in the highest regards;most important
Now this is similar to my definition of "Friend". this, does not mean i expect all my friends to have a really close "intimate" relationship with me such as the average person's "bestfriend"; it simply means, i require a better quality of friends. like i'd so rather have zero "friends" than to have a whole bunch of crappy "associates".---Wayne, and i discuss this frequently.
Everytime i tell someone "I dont have any friends.": they always say what? yes you do what about vanissa, alisha etc..

well, i guess yeah i'll just use those two as a way to explain what "i dont have any friends" means.
Vanissa and Alisha have been my close companions since like 6th grade. i love them like so much; my type of kids. Funny/Chills/=]/etc. B U T if you look at their relationship like
Vanissa<--->Alisha
and not Vanissa<--->Alisha<--->Sua.
thats what i consider a bestfriend. [lol so i guess we're past the "friend" part.] They have like just like the best "bestfriend" relationship anyone could have according to my definition. Its pretty hard to put my definition into words for "bestfriend" but its just like that O N E person, not no huge ass group, who u go to for any and everything. Both of you can M U T U A L L Y talk to each other about anything; and like ur not scared to tell each other certain stuff or scared of judgement and stuff. like they tell me stuff here and there, but they censor it or leave parts out. But they are definetly my best quality of "friends".
I realized that i dont have that one person, but i would love to have him/her.---Marcus and i discussed this.
like idk if its me or the world who has the problem. lol well, i dont really have a realProblem. im content with what i have or dont have im just saying it would be nice to have like that person.

Miles--sorry his name's also in this blog,but he's been ranting about how he wants to meet somebody new. Well, at first i was like wow he doesnt appreciate his NOWfriends; but after my trip to Princeton i really understand what he means. There are so many different people out there and when you meet that one person who jus instantly shows signs of potentially becoming a close friend of yours, you look at all the "friends [if you have any]" that you currently have, and convince yourself what a better quality group of friends you really want.
I met the sweetest girl Named Candace Mosley on this trip to princeton. We instantly attracted--like it was so wierd. We knew each other for less than 4 hours and you wouldve never known. like she's the type of person i look for in a bestfriend. She was so charismatic and just awesome, my type of kid. after meeting her i realized:
1. i lovee her !
2. i dont have any "friends" like her
which made me think, man! do i have any friends?
lol like we had so much fun its undescribable but basically i figured, this is how i should feel around someone i call my friend; i mean sure there will be bad times but all the goodtimes ive had with "friends" were nothing like this 4 hour hangout with her.
Not to like down any of my current "friends" but idk i think its me.
i DO have friends,i just feel like distant and like nobody's there. which they arent,but claim to be.
so shit, idk im Almost confusing myself.
i suppose im expecting too much, idk whateveer.

i know one of my problems is my "flings".
because i am, who i am; i tend to attract to almost anybody then we're like soo close, then we die off.
two examples:
Shakila Vs. Kelsie
last year Kelsie and i were inseperable! like i still love her til this day, but we dont hang or rarely even talk anymore. but once upon a time we were like bestbuds had so much fun together. then this year we just sank like the titanic lol--were like "associates" indirectly.--thats what i call a fling.
The one, and only exception to my "fling" ideal is Shakila. We've known of each other since 9th grade but around mid-11th grade we became like inseperable lol. always together everywhere,talking all the time...and i've been waiting like to see us fade out but we're still like just as close as we were before. like i mean we dont even have to talk everyday but everytime we get back around eachother or we talk on the phone or something we always still have that fire burning, it is so strange but i love her. She's the one person who's shown potential to be like that one "bestfriend"; like she doesnt judge me, but she'll say whats real. same with me. we dont bite our tongues to "spare" eachothers feelings which maybe the downfall in alot of my friendships.like ppl wont tell me stuff cuz they know imma say how i feel and if they were in the wrong they dont want me to tell them "u were wrong" so yeah. lol
since this is already long i might aswell address labels.
so the other day alisha said "...sua ur my bestfriend toooo"
then i told her"u dont have to label me as ur bestfriend just to make me feel better"
then i realized labels do not have to be mutual.
like i could consider shakila my bestfriend, but she may consider me as like just her regular friend.
like kanye west could be my boyfriend, but still consider amber to be his girlfriend.
lolololololol

now, back to the alisha thing. so she replied like "sua if u dnt wanna be my bestfriend jst say it".
now the problem with unmutual labels is that one person is always going to get the short end of the stick.
for example:
vanissa/alisha always together blababaa
im hardly ever with them now, but they still consider
me a bestfriend. but me looking in is like what?no its just you two
so i may feel were not bestfriends,but they still consider me that. lol confusing?
idk how to explain it but yeah like i said they are still one of the best quality friends that i do have.

Lesson:
"I'm no longer running around trying to F I N D that "friend" or "bestfriend"---the best kind of friends come to you naturally,and those are the keepers =]"

BlogSpot: Debut.

BlogSpot.
I Don't quite understand why people come to this place
as a sense of 'Diary' or 'Therapy'. Both of those are supposed to be like Confidential,
where as this website is pretty much open to anyone. I guess people express themselves
on here because, not everyone is going to read it---yet, they want somebody to read it. Its
cute i guess idk but anyone who knows me KNOWS I'm not open about pretty much anything.

-So, Why Do You Have A BlogSpot, Miss.ithinkimbetterthanthisstupidsiteSua?

i have this friend; Miles Blount.
he has a blogspot and i read it ever so often, and i realized every time my name is mentioned
its always affiliated with some type of negativity. I'm always the Villain,,,but I'm not so bad.
and this 'Miles' is supposed to be one of my closest friends, but i guess our feelings towards each other aren't mutual---since he thinks I'm soo bad,but i think he's so cool. So yeah smh, that sucks. so i guess thats a pretty bad reason to make a whole real blogspot. [feel special now?]


I'm pretty bad at dedicating myself to like a diary, or like something involving consistency as far documenting my ideas/feelings. so i guess this will mainly consist of random splurges, music, maybe an Epiphany here or there. but that's it. i don't really care if anyone reads this,i think it looks cool and like idk i just wanna see if i can do it.