December Never Felt So Wrong .

"You're the Only Light This Empty room Ever Had;
A Light So Bright, So Beautiful; So Right.
I Hate to have to Re-Adjust My Lifestyle,,
There is no HappYness-There are no Smiles.
All that is Left is Me in this Room, No Couch...
Never thought i'd Lose what i wanted so Bad;
Life Without You is Going to be Sadder than Sad."
-Sua.

C hicago.

it wass soo funny,,i couldnt remember my password,i swear i logged in like 6 different times at least.
but H E Y now i got it. sooo Sua---why is this blog named 'Chicago' ?
Well,,,just because i decided to express like how depressed i am.
**i think, about this school like almost as much as i think about Kanye West.
im not talking about like daily,,well yeah every day but i mean like at least 6 times a day///eww im so predictable.
i use 6 for everything. like im sure you could just take a wild guess as to what my password for like evrything is. llsnow T H A T was stupid Sua.
---i was about to talk about how i get noLove on my Phone nowadays,,then turtle txted me =]
ehh anyways. im not only dreaming with a Broken Heart,,im like Walking/Talking/Smiling/Laughing etc,,with these Pieces of like Nothingness. Urrrrgggh i wish i was good with words,,because i feel like i cant emphasize just how MUCH pain im in. its like
Numbly excruciating: as in i cant feel it, but thats like all i feel. or like argh someshit._

This is so embarressing; like i was really crying though.
i mean like c r y i n g ! like non-stop.
like from10:00 when i got home and read the mini-ass letter til 12:00 when i decided to go to sleep.
[which was early, for me]
mann how did i know i was going to break my own rule.
My only Rule;
Rule #1 and Only: Always leave room for disappointment;hope for the best expect the worst---all that lingo.

Here i amm,,,hopes superrr high only to get C R U S H E D.
never everevereverrr again; i no longer want to go there. i mean depending on where else i get rejected/accepted from i'll decide. i feel like going there would be like going back out with a guy who cheated on u with your only friend, beat u, met kanye west and didnt tell u, stole your secret stash of pepi's/oreos, stole ur Homework and turned it in lalala all that goodness.
Like its not happeningg,,,whyyyyy meeee!

Anyways,,im over talking well typing about that Tragedy.
I enjoy being alone,its sweet. People are people.
its like the same cycle of people in life ya know.
Hmm,,,i wonder what im going to be like in the future.
okay i dont want to type about that either.

OMGossh ive been french braiding like crazy lately!
ayee jBreezy hit my phone;;gotta love her.

i wonder if this is long.
eww my voice sounds like i have a frog permanently embedded there. i hate this;
Welllllll,,sike i was about to stop typing but i feel like im missing something..
W E B C A M' S have taken overr the universe.
i dont even think ppl like seeing ppl in real life anymore its like
Sua: heyy u wanna meet up at Starbucks
Person: uhh,, hit my Skype/Tiny chat

lol,,,i like webcamming though its funn,with the right people.
have an obsession with freestyling now.=]

--->Here Goes..
Im not Mad at the World,,im just a girl---tryna get by.
tryna fly high,, far far from here.
where Nobody Knows--Nobody Goes.
a place where i can be Me,,where i can be Seen.
No dollar, No Dream.
No-such thing as Supression. depression.
My new found aggression, seems to be my only way of Expression
of Emotions. i ask myself:
Who will be there as i strumble through the shadows of Pain.
Who will still care when theres nothing but n o t h i n g?
Who will be there. . i ask again.
again and again and again.
No Friend, No Foe.
this is complex insanity--->they say.
cant you see, theres no one better at being me than me
no tree no glee no knee. . .

okay see thats when i jst stop because it was already getting s p a c e y, now it was jst like scrambling for
words that rhyme with 'me'.
i have this urge to delete that. i guess u gotta hear the beat to actually understand how cool that is.
im re-reading that now that i muted the beat in my head,,its kinda lame.
lol Sua--- k i n d a ?
i want to singggg and danceee and fucking cry.
lol sike sike.
if i had a nickel and a penny for everytime//lol sike i wasnt rlly going to type anything i just wanted to say find another way of saying 6 besides...six and 6. lol [nickel+penny=six cents] duhh.

okay seriously im done now



Ciaaaoo.