"You're the Only Light This Empty room Ever Had;
A Light So Bright, So Beautiful; So Right.
I Hate to have to Re-Adjust My Lifestyle,,
There is no HappYness-There are no Smiles.
All that is Left is Me in this Room, No Couch...
Never thought i'd Lose what i wanted so Bad;
Life Without You is Going to be Sadder than Sad."
-Sua.
Monday, December 28, 2009
C hicago.
it wass soo funny,,i couldnt remember my password,i swear i logged in like 6 different times at least.
but H E Y now i got it. sooo Sua---why is this blog named 'Chicago' ?
Well,,,just because i decided to express like how depressed i am.
**i think, about this school like almost as much as i think about Kanye West.
im not talking about like daily,,well yeah every day but i mean like at least 6 times a day///eww im so predictable.
i use 6 for everything. like im sure you could just take a wild guess as to what my password for like evrything is. llsnow T H A T was stupid Sua.
---i was about to talk about how i get noLove on my Phone nowadays,,then turtle txted me =]
ehh anyways. im not only dreaming with a Broken Heart,,im like Walking/Talking/Smiling/Laughing etc,,with these Pieces of like Nothingness. Urrrrgggh i wish i was good with words,,because i feel like i cant emphasize just how MUCH pain im in. its like
Numbly excruciating: as in i cant feel it, but thats like all i feel. or like argh someshit._
This is so embarressing; like i was really crying though.
i mean like c r y i n g ! like non-stop.
like from10:00 when i got home and read the mini-ass letter til 12:00 when i decided to go to sleep.
[which was early, for me]
mann how did i know i was going to break my own rule.
My only Rule;
Rule #1 and Only: Always leave room for disappointment;hope for the best expect the worst---all that lingo.
Here i amm,,,hopes superrr high only to get C R U S H E D.
never everevereverrr again; i no longer want to go there. i mean depending on where else i get rejected/accepted from i'll decide. i feel like going there would be like going back out with a guy who cheated on u with your only friend, beat u, met kanye west and didnt tell u, stole your secret stash of pepi's/oreos, stole ur Homework and turned it in lalala all that goodness.
Like its not happeningg,,,whyyyyy meeee!
Anyways,,im over talking well typing about that Tragedy.
I enjoy being alone,its sweet. People are people.
its like the same cycle of people in life ya know.
Hmm,,,i wonder what im going to be like in the future.
okay i dont want to type about that either.
OMGossh ive been french braiding like crazy lately!
ayee jBreezy hit my phone;;gotta love her.
i wonder if this is long.
eww my voice sounds like i have a frog permanently embedded there. i hate this;
Welllllll,,sike i was about to stop typing but i feel like im missing something..
W E B C A M' S have taken overr the universe.
i dont even think ppl like seeing ppl in real life anymore its like
Sua: heyy u wanna meet up at Starbucks
Person: uhh,, hit my Skype/Tiny chat
lol,,,i like webcamming though its funn,with the right people.
have an obsession with freestyling now.=]
--->Here Goes..
Im not Mad at the World,,im just a girl---tryna get by.
tryna fly high,, far far from here.
where Nobody Knows--Nobody Goes.
a place where i can be Me,,where i can be Seen.
No dollar, No Dream.
No-such thing as Supression. depression.
My new found aggression, seems to be my only way of Expression
of Emotions. i ask myself:
Who will be there as i strumble through the shadows of Pain.
Who will still care when theres nothing but n o t h i n g?
Who will be there. . i ask again.
again and again and again.
No Friend, No Foe.
this is complex insanity--->they say.
cant you see, theres no one better at being me than me
no tree no glee no knee. . .
okay see thats when i jst stop because it was already getting s p a c e y, now it was jst like scrambling for
words that rhyme with 'me'.
i have this urge to delete that. i guess u gotta hear the beat to actually understand how cool that is.
im re-reading that now that i muted the beat in my head,,its kinda lame.
lol Sua--- k i n d a ?
i want to singggg and danceee and fucking cry.
lol sike sike.
if i had a nickel and a penny for everytime//lol sike i wasnt rlly going to type anything i just wanted to say find another way of saying 6 besides...six and 6. lol [nickel+penny=six cents] duhh.
okay seriously im done now
Ciaaaoo.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Daydreamer.
///Yeah im on a roll today. I guess its only right to post at least 2 blogs every 6 months lol. Im only making this blog because, the last one was WACK. like it sucked and idk why i posted it? smh---I hate having to stick to one topic, specially when my brain is always producing like a MILLION ideas at a time.
I LoveLOVEL O V E the few friends i have. Like from 9th grade i never would have thought i'd be as close with the ppl i am close with today. that sounded wierd? Man it was soo funny last night, i permed enyo's hair but like we didnt check to see if we had the shampoo, so longstory short her hair almost fell out but then Mari and Vanissa came to the rescue and yeah. But that was sooo MEGA-funny.
+++Man i just recently realized i cant convey my emotions like i should like i just smile all the time so if im not smiling theres a problem.i struggle showing how much i appreciate stuff and like stuff and urgh yeah///
Welp; yeah school is school. All my AP classes are mutually difficult this year, but thats life. OMG i Love Quinton Gregory:i wonder if the hearts code thing works on here. i would try it but id feel dumb if it didnt work. but yeah Q!! like we rarely talk about eachother, like idk his friends and he doesnt know mine we just know each other[since like 8th?]>>soo cool. Like besides wayne and shakila he keeps me the most stable i think.
Mannnnn everybody has been on their College Agenda , like its so nice. i hope everyone gets to go where they wanna go. Man i had to take an Adele break, Late Registration BUMPING ayeee,,uhm ive been having a pretty swell senior year. like i think the drama that happened last weekend with the Bio-Medical crew or whatever was such a good thing. Like everything is so clear now. MAN! i have to clean my room,,,omg ive been seriously procrastinating and its like OD. Damn it! just nubbed my toe on this chair,,i should rlly not have added that to this blog but ok whatever. Next----> Man i really love txting Miles, he's so cool sometimes. Well hasnt replied in the last idk 60 hours or so but he's still my favorite. UHM i was listening to Jimi Hendrix tear up the Star spangled banner Owww*. that reminds me of JohnMayer fucking shit up at MJ's funeral with Human Nature.Man i was watching Wade Robson's(ridiculous dancer and choreographer)tribute to MJ it was so nice, he's so good.
Man Soccer season is overrrr!
bittersweet feelings about it. Like i love soccer but our team this year was full of B words, so that kinda sucked. But ayeee basketball season is about to start. "imma be on the sdeline, rooting for my dime[Taylor & EJ], holding up my sign; u'll hear me say GO BABY!" I LOVE EJ, and i love telling him that.
man i feel like laughing, havent had a good laugh since last night.Man life just aint life without some people man. But then again this is Only high school, like we have sooo much further to go;Possibly. I wanna see 2012 and the fouth Kind, matter fact imma ride shotgun with Kayla and WERE going to See IT! man i miss some people from the class of 09, there were alot of cool ppl in that class.Well im getting tired of typing and i usually would re-read this but i dont feel like it; likei feel like this blog shouldve been in bulletpoints cuz it was just sooooo sporadic, but uhm yeah whatever. Bout to find something to do besides clean my room :] Ciao ,,,
"Sometimes it aint sunny bu it aint So hard"-Lupe---->reminds me Of Q he loves Lupe like i Love Kanye.But i love them both but i put Kanye before Lupe and he puts Lupe first and Kanye like 3 ppl down like wtf lol but okay forreal im gone forreal this time,,, il prolly post another blog 6 months from now lol.
I LoveLOVEL O V E the few friends i have. Like from 9th grade i never would have thought i'd be as close with the ppl i am close with today. that sounded wierd? Man it was soo funny last night, i permed enyo's hair but like we didnt check to see if we had the shampoo, so longstory short her hair almost fell out but then Mari and Vanissa came to the rescue and yeah. But that was sooo MEGA-funny.
+++Man i just recently realized i cant convey my emotions like i should like i just smile all the time so if im not smiling theres a problem.i struggle showing how much i appreciate stuff and like stuff and urgh yeah///
Welp; yeah school is school. All my AP classes are mutually difficult this year, but thats life. OMG i Love Quinton Gregory:i wonder if the hearts code thing works on here. i would try it but id feel dumb if it didnt work. but yeah Q!! like we rarely talk about eachother, like idk his friends and he doesnt know mine we just know each other[since like 8th?]>>soo cool. Like besides wayne and shakila he keeps me the most stable i think.
Mannnnn everybody has been on their College Agenda , like its so nice. i hope everyone gets to go where they wanna go. Man i had to take an Adele break, Late Registration BUMPING ayeee,,uhm ive been having a pretty swell senior year. like i think the drama that happened last weekend with the Bio-Medical crew or whatever was such a good thing. Like everything is so clear now. MAN! i have to clean my room,,,omg ive been seriously procrastinating and its like OD. Damn it! just nubbed my toe on this chair,,i should rlly not have added that to this blog but ok whatever. Next----> Man i really love txting Miles, he's so cool sometimes. Well hasnt replied in the last idk 60 hours or so but he's still my favorite. UHM i was listening to Jimi Hendrix tear up the Star spangled banner Owww*. that reminds me of JohnMayer fucking shit up at MJ's funeral with Human Nature.Man i was watching Wade Robson's(ridiculous dancer and choreographer)tribute to MJ it was so nice, he's so good.
Man Soccer season is overrrr!
bittersweet feelings about it. Like i love soccer but our team this year was full of B words, so that kinda sucked. But ayeee basketball season is about to start. "imma be on the sdeline, rooting for my dime[Taylor & EJ], holding up my sign; u'll hear me say GO BABY!" I LOVE EJ, and i love telling him that.
man i feel like laughing, havent had a good laugh since last night.Man life just aint life without some people man. But then again this is Only high school, like we have sooo much further to go;Possibly. I wanna see 2012 and the fouth Kind, matter fact imma ride shotgun with Kayla and WERE going to See IT! man i miss some people from the class of 09, there were alot of cool ppl in that class.Well im getting tired of typing and i usually would re-read this but i dont feel like it; likei feel like this blog shouldve been in bulletpoints cuz it was just sooooo sporadic, but uhm yeah whatever. Bout to find something to do besides clean my room :] Ciao ,,,
"Sometimes it aint sunny bu it aint So hard"-Lupe---->reminds me Of Q he loves Lupe like i Love Kanye.But i love them both but i put Kanye before Lupe and he puts Lupe first and Kanye like 3 ppl down like wtf lol but okay forreal im gone forreal this time,,, il prolly post another blog 6 months from now lol.
Boys are From Jupiter, Girls are From Mars.
The anticipated blog on 'Boys' has finally arrived sorta. I guess this would be a random time to make a 'Boy' blog, considering the "NO-action" that im getting.
I decided to escape from real life right now, because my life is extremely stressful with: College Applications, Scholarships, School work [AP Classes] and Family stuff. But anyways---Boys,Boys,Boys. Where they At?!
lol Like im Really disappoined with the material im presented with nowadays.
Everybody is the same, and its irritating.
-As of now, i dont 'talk' [whatever that is], to anyone. This is not necessarily by choice, its more so by option i guess:
A)'talk' to the same old people i always talk to
B)'talk' to uninteresting people
C)'talk' to no one and stay chills,!
...i choose C, HOWEVER,there is pretty much one exception to my'chill mode'. Hmmm i just realized, well not just, but im thinking about how music affects me.Its Amazing, like Kanye and Jeezy*. But im listening to "Melt My Heart to Stone"-Adele:ive been obsessing over her music, especially this week. like its so niceee **ahh.Like i wish i could be in the kind of Love she sings about, well sometimes.But okay speaking of Adele, "First Love" reminds me of the infamous Miles Blount...Better than that most songs remind me of this guy; Gravity by Sara Bareilles is also a notable "Miles Reminder". Anyways---as everyone knows, we have like this wierd 'history' or whatever but now we're just like UNlabeled,like we're just really cool? Like its just really hard to categorize either one of us.
Geee-Whizz that was a struggle. but hmm besides this wierd unknown thing i have going on with M i l e s, im chilling. Dont get it twisted though, there are a few decent candidates applying to get at the kid :] but you know "the requirement is inspirement.." and im not feeling like anybody at all. **oh i forgot to add something about Miles----> i really wish i could officially stop liking him because of a lot of crap, but i cant like its the strangest thing; Now this is simply significant because i think this is the reason A)i dont have a boyfriend, B)i dont want a boyfriend lol its pretty wierd.
"Something always brings me back to you, Never takes too long"
-Gravity
I decided to escape from real life right now, because my life is extremely stressful with: College Applications, Scholarships, School work [AP Classes] and Family stuff. But anyways---Boys,Boys,Boys. Where they At?!
lol Like im Really disappoined with the material im presented with nowadays.
Everybody is the same, and its irritating.
-As of now, i dont 'talk' [whatever that is], to anyone. This is not necessarily by choice, its more so by option i guess:
A)'talk' to the same old people i always talk to
B)'talk' to uninteresting people
C)'talk' to no one and stay chills,!
...i choose C, HOWEVER,there is pretty much one exception to my'chill mode'. Hmmm i just realized, well not just, but im thinking about how music affects me.Its Amazing, like Kanye and Jeezy*. But im listening to "Melt My Heart to Stone"-Adele:ive been obsessing over her music, especially this week. like its so niceee **ahh.Like i wish i could be in the kind of Love she sings about, well sometimes.But okay speaking of Adele, "First Love" reminds me of the infamous Miles Blount...Better than that most songs remind me of this guy; Gravity by Sara Bareilles is also a notable "Miles Reminder". Anyways---as everyone knows, we have like this wierd 'history' or whatever but now we're just like UNlabeled,like we're just really cool? Like its just really hard to categorize either one of us.
Geee-Whizz that was a struggle. but hmm besides this wierd unknown thing i have going on with M i l e s, im chilling. Dont get it twisted though, there are a few decent candidates applying to get at the kid :] but you know "the requirement is inspirement.." and im not feeling like anybody at all. **oh i forgot to add something about Miles----> i really wish i could officially stop liking him because of a lot of crap, but i cant like its the strangest thing; Now this is simply significant because i think this is the reason A)i dont have a boyfriend, B)i dont want a boyfriend lol its pretty wierd.
"Something always brings me back to you, Never takes too long"
-Gravity
Thursday, October 8, 2009
That Old Thing,,Back.
Ahh,,kinda missed this Place;
soo--My life has changed ALOT since my last post.
I'm a senior now, and its a whole lot of work smh.
from an annoying unqualified AP teacher to daily soccer Practices/games
life has been pretty tough in the sense of balance. Mann my "friends" issue is no
longer an issue. I have love for almost everyone I associate with but if we weren't
cool the next day, most likely my life wouldn't change. Idk I stopped caring for those
who don't care for me; and I've just recently realized those who I may have potentially considered a
"close friend/friend" are really just crap ppl who switch on you like that (snaps*)
Ive emphasied not chasing people for friendship and as I've discontinued the chase Its now soo
much clearer what type of person I consider a friend and the few ppl who actually appreciate me
and genuinely like me ahh Yes,,it hit me like an Epiphany.
Someone told me I'm mean, "I've changed", "I'm depressed" and whatever else the list goes on---
I just don't understand; everytime I try to better myself or am simply maturing it causes so much controversey
like wtf since when am I so important. Plus someone always tells me I'm changing every year and yet I'm still the same Sua you all fell in Love with.
Besides some minor shit,, life has been chills yet hectic with the college process but still chills.
I'm stoked for my future; I know its gonna be something Big: as for the whole title of this blog I initially was gonna talk about boys well more like a fe specific boys,, but ehh
maybe another time when I have the energy and focus to even care about what u may call a "Love Life"<---Eww lol
***"Its like I'm Fighting to be Me,, But i have to Leave the Fight Cuz it helps Everyone else be who they wanna be: Thats a Story for Ya Ass" [The Lovely Mr.West]
soo--My life has changed ALOT since my last post.
I'm a senior now, and its a whole lot of work smh.
from an annoying unqualified AP teacher to daily soccer Practices/games
life has been pretty tough in the sense of balance. Mann my "friends" issue is no
longer an issue. I have love for almost everyone I associate with but if we weren't
cool the next day, most likely my life wouldn't change. Idk I stopped caring for those
who don't care for me; and I've just recently realized those who I may have potentially considered a
"close friend/friend" are really just crap ppl who switch on you like that (snaps*)
Ive emphasied not chasing people for friendship and as I've discontinued the chase Its now soo
much clearer what type of person I consider a friend and the few ppl who actually appreciate me
and genuinely like me ahh Yes,,it hit me like an Epiphany.
Someone told me I'm mean, "I've changed", "I'm depressed" and whatever else the list goes on---
I just don't understand; everytime I try to better myself or am simply maturing it causes so much controversey
like wtf since when am I so important. Plus someone always tells me I'm changing every year and yet I'm still the same Sua you all fell in Love with.
Besides some minor shit,, life has been chills yet hectic with the college process but still chills.
I'm stoked for my future; I know its gonna be something Big: as for the whole title of this blog I initially was gonna talk about boys well more like a fe specific boys,, but ehh
maybe another time when I have the energy and focus to even care about what u may call a "Love Life"<---Eww lol
***"Its like I'm Fighting to be Me,, But i have to Leave the Fight Cuz it helps Everyone else be who they wanna be: Thats a Story for Ya Ass" [The Lovely Mr.West]
Monday, August 17, 2009
All The Flowers-- Are Not Dead, Yet.
So, i've been on this site a couple of times since my resignation; i love the colors on this page---they're so cute. so i was re-reading stuff then i realized i only had 5 blogs; eww--5? so i decided to not necessarily make a comeback, its more like the cherry on top of the ice cream that i forgot.
Might as well splurge about what ive been doing in the meant time. So hmm. i've been just hanging out with Mariah alot. now at first the title of this was going to be "She Said '6' Was the Magic Number'; but then i realized i couldnt make a whole real cool blog about '6'---then gain i could but whatever i changed it okay. jeez
All The Flowers--Are Not Dead, Yet.
so like we all i know, im limited on friends but i do have alot of people that i love and that make my life seemingly happy.i realized all my other blogs were just about me? like wtf greedy sua greedy---and i dont think i tell people enough how much i appreciate them. so
Mariah Lee---Who would've everrr thought we'd be as thick as thieves in vegas?
Initially, i didnt like Mariah but once i got to know her it was like we were Destined to be cool. We have a friendship where we both like seriously need each other. like i specialize in certain areas *cough* boys/relationships, and she specializes in just me not being dumb and she helped me realize that i shouldnt have to lower my standards just to have "decent" friends. man she made me realize how alot of my 'friends' treat me bad. smh like i was in denial but then i saw it. but anyways i love her she makes me happy everyday. she stays faithful---no phony stuff. we fuss, hell yeah we Fight! but at the end of the day she's one of the only people that i feel like is here for me permanently. dont know what imma do when she leaves me on August 20th, 2009 :/
Shakila Caroll---Team purple cancer. Everyone knows i love shakila. she keeps it 100 like no matter what. my whole life i've been plagued with "friends" who were always too scared to tell me something, because they were afraid of what i would say. tf, thats some shit. i hate when ppl do that but shakila is the girl who could care less. she doesnt bite her tongue, niether do i which is why i feel like we connect. we're both so determined with our dreams its so coooool. we dont even have to talk everyday, but we both know like sua still there. shakila still there and niether one of us aint ever gonna change. short story shorter---she's one of my more stabilized friends who i love and appreciate mostly because i've rarely come across such a good quality of a friend since like ever.
its always hard to figure out who comes after mariah and shakila lol, like cuz i dont want ppl to be mad and i dont wanna have to through another person in the list because i feel obligated to do so.
well here are categories: i guess
Longest: Alisha Ward & Vanissa Venable---they are basically like the same person. conjoined at the Hip these two. but i love them because they are ppl i love to have fun with. admittedly i feel like i have definetly fallen out the wagon. like yall like the 'epitome' of how i would want my relationship ith my 'bestfriend' to be. like im just the thirdy lol im not tryna down our friendship cuz whenever we together---shiiiit we b together but idk like when im not there yall just have this bond that i want with someone. BUT YALL DONT TELL ME NOTHING
cool kids though,love yall.
Most Interesting: Miles Blount, Yvette Pappoe, Marcus Wilson & Edem Kwame.
lol cool group, cool group.
Miles B---I dont understand our friendship, like no matter how much we hate eachother like we always bounce back. you're my favorite person to argue with only because i know we're always gonna b cool again. but 'cool' isnt even a good word to describe us like idk. you make me Happy =] Sad =[ Laugh :D Mad :| Furious XO Confused :? and all the other emotions you can think of, but idk its funnn its entertainment. and idk i guess i kinda almost maybe possibly shockingly obviously love you ! the only thing about you now that i think i like hate is ur new found vernacular: like tf learn how to turn it on an off, and that doesnt mean "dumbing it down" just because regualr ppl arent splurging on vocabulary doesnt mean its "dumb talk" ugh yeah i rlly hate that. ugh that so annoys me. ugh now im in an "ugh" mood thanks miles!
Yvette P---Skeleeeeeee, my dearest. real cool, real chills. u always like make me feel like i can do anything like when im struggling or doubting u always give me that push and like i appreciate it like at least SOMEONE believes in me and my dreams lol. crap* u even believe in me when I dont even believe in me which is cool. thats like a gift! wooohoo go gifted and talented! i mean u b havin ur fair share of issues but thats what Miles is for! lol but yeah ur like one of those friends who i feel like is not going anywhere for a while. u love me u cant get enough of me :p and i love you too. if i HAD to say anything bad about you it would be that for some reason its like u have to be friends with like everyone. like idk how u can b cool with everyone its crazy but idk mayb its not a bad thing idk disregard that lol.
Marcus W.---i want you to be my bestfriend. like if i could have a bestfriend it would be SO cool if it was you lol. like mainly because we're like almost opposites and yet like i love you. ur kinda mean which is pretty funny. but then ur all cool idk i dont think there's a word for you. im so Stoked about our Tree--its gonna b so cool haha! uhm, its wierd how like i feel like i can tell you everything yet i cant tell you anything like idk idek what that means like, we b talking and stuff then we wont talk for like 6 days then we bounce right back lol its like when somebody pressed pause, then play, pause then play lol.
Edem Kwame--- see now idk if i threw u in this group because i felt 'obliged' to do so because everyone in this group i ur friend or what but idk. it still amazes me how i was able to like talk to u, lol like i rlly cant understand how i was ever so willing to talk to u of all people. not you of all people but u know what i mean like we never even used to talk like that. but uhm yeah i like u because ur kinda sad and unsure on the inside, lol like me and i think thats cool . i wish i could beat the confidence outta you--ur like really smart but u dont think so smh what a tard.
now im pretty over this being nice stuff. like thats all the main people i can think about.
random crap:
--i miss my ex bestfriend labreea and ayana like all the time.
--i love how Jheri and i are actually getting like close lol smh
--for some reason i feel like calling miles, but he's prolly busy.
--i wonder when i shall go to the tree
--the top of my back is BURNING lol idky
--i like txting vanissa at 9:11 and saying " hey its 9.11" or at 3:14 and saying "its pie" or occassionally at 6:28 when ive stayed up all night and saying "its my birthday" lol
--i need a Pep...to bismol lol haha u thought i was gonna say Pepsi smh
--i cant wait weight waiitttt to lose wieght lol
okay im done, see you guys in another 6 months or 6 days or 6 years---who knows.
maybe even 6 minutes lol sike nah not that one.
*sorry about errors, im too lazy to re-read this long ass shit to correct em.
:]
Might as well splurge about what ive been doing in the meant time. So hmm. i've been just hanging out with Mariah alot. now at first the title of this was going to be "She Said '6' Was the Magic Number'; but then i realized i couldnt make a whole real cool blog about '6'---then gain i could but whatever i changed it okay. jeez
All The Flowers--Are Not Dead, Yet.
so like we all i know, im limited on friends but i do have alot of people that i love and that make my life seemingly happy.i realized all my other blogs were just about me? like wtf greedy sua greedy---and i dont think i tell people enough how much i appreciate them. so
Mariah Lee---Who would've everrr thought we'd be as thick as thieves in vegas?
Initially, i didnt like Mariah but once i got to know her it was like we were Destined to be cool. We have a friendship where we both like seriously need each other. like i specialize in certain areas *cough* boys/relationships, and she specializes in just me not being dumb and she helped me realize that i shouldnt have to lower my standards just to have "decent" friends. man she made me realize how alot of my 'friends' treat me bad. smh like i was in denial but then i saw it. but anyways i love her she makes me happy everyday. she stays faithful---no phony stuff. we fuss, hell yeah we Fight! but at the end of the day she's one of the only people that i feel like is here for me permanently. dont know what imma do when she leaves me on August 20th, 2009 :/
Shakila Caroll---Team purple cancer. Everyone knows i love shakila. she keeps it 100 like no matter what. my whole life i've been plagued with "friends" who were always too scared to tell me something, because they were afraid of what i would say. tf, thats some shit. i hate when ppl do that but shakila is the girl who could care less. she doesnt bite her tongue, niether do i which is why i feel like we connect. we're both so determined with our dreams its so coooool. we dont even have to talk everyday, but we both know like sua still there. shakila still there and niether one of us aint ever gonna change. short story shorter---she's one of my more stabilized friends who i love and appreciate mostly because i've rarely come across such a good quality of a friend since like ever.
its always hard to figure out who comes after mariah and shakila lol, like cuz i dont want ppl to be mad and i dont wanna have to through another person in the list because i feel obligated to do so.
well here are categories: i guess
Longest: Alisha Ward & Vanissa Venable---they are basically like the same person. conjoined at the Hip these two. but i love them because they are ppl i love to have fun with. admittedly i feel like i have definetly fallen out the wagon. like yall like the 'epitome' of how i would want my relationship ith my 'bestfriend' to be. like im just the thirdy lol im not tryna down our friendship cuz whenever we together---shiiiit we b together but idk like when im not there yall just have this bond that i want with someone. BUT YALL DONT TELL ME NOTHING
cool kids though,love yall.
Most Interesting: Miles Blount, Yvette Pappoe, Marcus Wilson & Edem Kwame.
lol cool group, cool group.
Miles B---I dont understand our friendship, like no matter how much we hate eachother like we always bounce back. you're my favorite person to argue with only because i know we're always gonna b cool again. but 'cool' isnt even a good word to describe us like idk. you make me Happy =] Sad =[ Laugh :D Mad :| Furious XO Confused :? and all the other emotions you can think of, but idk its funnn its entertainment. and idk i guess i kinda almost maybe possibly shockingly obviously love you ! the only thing about you now that i think i like hate is ur new found vernacular: like tf learn how to turn it on an off, and that doesnt mean "dumbing it down" just because regualr ppl arent splurging on vocabulary doesnt mean its "dumb talk" ugh yeah i rlly hate that. ugh that so annoys me. ugh now im in an "ugh" mood thanks miles!
Yvette P---Skeleeeeeee, my dearest. real cool, real chills. u always like make me feel like i can do anything like when im struggling or doubting u always give me that push and like i appreciate it like at least SOMEONE believes in me and my dreams lol. crap* u even believe in me when I dont even believe in me which is cool. thats like a gift! wooohoo go gifted and talented! i mean u b havin ur fair share of issues but thats what Miles is for! lol but yeah ur like one of those friends who i feel like is not going anywhere for a while. u love me u cant get enough of me :p and i love you too. if i HAD to say anything bad about you it would be that for some reason its like u have to be friends with like everyone. like idk how u can b cool with everyone its crazy but idk mayb its not a bad thing idk disregard that lol.
Marcus W.---i want you to be my bestfriend. like if i could have a bestfriend it would be SO cool if it was you lol. like mainly because we're like almost opposites and yet like i love you. ur kinda mean which is pretty funny. but then ur all cool idk i dont think there's a word for you. im so Stoked about our Tree--its gonna b so cool haha! uhm, its wierd how like i feel like i can tell you everything yet i cant tell you anything like idk idek what that means like, we b talking and stuff then we wont talk for like 6 days then we bounce right back lol its like when somebody pressed pause, then play, pause then play lol.
Edem Kwame--- see now idk if i threw u in this group because i felt 'obliged' to do so because everyone in this group i ur friend or what but idk. it still amazes me how i was able to like talk to u, lol like i rlly cant understand how i was ever so willing to talk to u of all people. not you of all people but u know what i mean like we never even used to talk like that. but uhm yeah i like u because ur kinda sad and unsure on the inside, lol like me and i think thats cool . i wish i could beat the confidence outta you--ur like really smart but u dont think so smh what a tard.
now im pretty over this being nice stuff. like thats all the main people i can think about.
random crap:
--i miss my ex bestfriend labreea and ayana like all the time.
--i love how Jheri and i are actually getting like close lol smh
--for some reason i feel like calling miles, but he's prolly busy.
--i wonder when i shall go to the tree
--the top of my back is BURNING lol idky
--i like txting vanissa at 9:11 and saying " hey its 9.11" or at 3:14 and saying "its pie" or occassionally at 6:28 when ive stayed up all night and saying "its my birthday" lol
--i need a Pep...to bismol lol haha u thought i was gonna say Pepsi smh
--i cant wait weight waiitttt to lose wieght lol
okay im done, see you guys in another 6 months or 6 days or 6 years---who knows.
maybe even 6 minutes lol sike nah not that one.
*sorry about errors, im too lazy to re-read this long ass shit to correct em.
:]
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
The Death of It.
Yeah, so as we all can see---this blogspot crap is just not for me [i did not mean to rhyme lol. A good question is "why did you make one sua?", and clearly it was just out of vengeance. Miles said some crap, and my retaliation was to make a whole thingy? lol smoooooothmove sua.
*this crap is not interesting.like everybody makes their crappy lives sound so interesting and idk how to like i just DONT know how to write crap all flowery and nice. and idk its just dumb and im giving it up for my virtual diary, which is in my brain. i write in it everyday =]
but yeah like who am i kidding. i planned on making this nice and long and ORGANIZED but after the first line i just quit, and am currently typing what im thinking---censoring my thoughts just a tad, because my mind is constantly scattered and im sure u dont wanna hear about danny phantom, a +AA Energizer battery or this tiny square piece of green paper[current thoughts]. its just too random.
so yes, its all over now. im sure no one expected me to last as long as i did lol so..
so long fair well, my friends we'll say good byeee *Adieu, Adieu to you and you and youuuu.
Doe a Deer-a Female Deer
ray, a drop of Golden sunnn
Me a name i call my self
far a longlong way to run
sew a needle pulling thread
La a note to follow sew
Tea a drink with jam an bread
sorrrrrry; i like singing that song alot in my brain lolololol
*this crap is not interesting.like everybody makes their crappy lives sound so interesting and idk how to like i just DONT know how to write crap all flowery and nice. and idk its just dumb and im giving it up for my virtual diary, which is in my brain. i write in it everyday =]
but yeah like who am i kidding. i planned on making this nice and long and ORGANIZED but after the first line i just quit, and am currently typing what im thinking---censoring my thoughts just a tad, because my mind is constantly scattered and im sure u dont wanna hear about danny phantom, a +AA Energizer battery or this tiny square piece of green paper[current thoughts]. its just too random.
so yes, its all over now. im sure no one expected me to last as long as i did lol so..
so long fair well, my friends we'll say good byeee *Adieu, Adieu to you and you and youuuu.
Doe a Deer-a Female Deer
ray, a drop of Golden sunnn
Me a name i call my self
far a longlong way to run
sew a needle pulling thread
La a note to follow sew
Tea a drink with jam an bread
sorrrrrry; i like singing that song alot in my brain lolololol
Thursday, August 6, 2009
So You Think You Can Dance: Jeanine Mason
-These are the Top Four Finalists, of one of my favorite shows 'So You Think You Can Dance'.
[Kayla,Brandon,Jeanine,Evan]
My personal favorites---since auditions were Kayla and Brandon. Brandon omg; most talented dancer i've ever seen, like just can do anything. As for Kayla, she has theee longest legs and she never took a wrong step either* i just have been in love with brandon since he auditioned for season 4 and was rejected so it hit home when Jeanine won tonight.
Dont get me wrong i love Jeanine, she has spice and is cool--they all deserved to win, but i just would've preferred to see Brandon triumph just because he's been working so damn hard. He did however, accomplish top 2 and he will forever be a legend in the show's history; so i guess its not so bad.
-My favorite performance from Jeanine, was when she was paired with Jason ♥ with a Travis Wall contemporary routine. first of all Travissss omg sexy/gifted dancer like jeez---how bout that bench routine?!! so anywho, this was his first time choreographing. i think i loved this routine so much mainly because thechoreography was beautiful, Jason&Jeanine are smokin' hott, and the songggg "If it Kills Me"-Jason Mraz. gosh! thank God for Tivo; i watched that performance about 100times.
Top 10: So You Think You Can Dance Everr---
1.Hometown Glory-Katie and Joshua[Mia Michaels]
2. The Hummingbird and the Flower-Hok and Jamie[Wade Robson]
3. The Bench- Travis and Heidi[Mia Michaels]
4. The Flower Dance-Niel and Lacey[Mia Michaels]
5. Bleeding Love- Mark and Chelsea[Tabatha and Napoleon]
6. Pas De Deux- Will and Katie[Desmond Richardson]
7. Addiction- Kayla and Kupono[Mia Michaels]
8. Ramalama (Bang Bang)-Wade Robson
9. If It Kills Me- Jason and Jeanine[Travis Wall]
10. All I Want-Brandon and Kayla[Stacey Tookey]
these are not in order actually, so idk why i numbered them---i really actually loved 'mercy' with katie and twitch. and the bed one with carrington and twitch . and the breast cancer one with melissa and ade.
*anyways, Congrats to Jeanine---can't WAIT for the fall season 6!!
oh yeaah, '6' is mi numero favorito.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
The Irony of "Friends".
*Friend [noun]- a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
*Bestfriend [noun]- an intimate companion; held in one's highest regards; most important
Now, i forget why i wanted to define those words lol, but uhm yeah "Friend".
i guess everybody has different definitions of "friend"; some people consider a "friend" a person who they associate with, but then why would "associate" and "friend" be like two different words? i dont really care for all the other defintions of "friend" but the two i listed above are relatively close to my own personal definition.
i have a lot of associates often mistaken for friends. Im pretty friendly, so i interact with all kinds of people and form some type of bond with them almost instantly. However, at the end of most days i just think "who are my friends?".
Who are my friends?
like realrealreal friends.
*Friend-a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
Now, to me this definition would be perfect for "associate", like most of the people i have relations with i am attracted to with feelings of affection or personal regard. This does not mean we are friends. this does not mean i would spill my whole life story to you. this does not mean i would go to a party with you. this does not mean i will share a can of pepsi, and a box of oreos with you. No, it just means "hey, i think you're a cool person. Blazay-Blazay."
like maybe we have something in common and yada yada, but to me that doesnt mean "friend" it means "hey we have something in common, i think you're kinda cool._"
Now from that thought on you either could potentially be considered a "friend", meaning i find more interest in you and we just go beyond; or you stay in the associate zone.
so wtfsuathenwhatsthedamndifferencebetween'friend'and'bestfriend'idiot!
*Bestfriend-an intimate companion;held in the highest regards;most important
Now this is similar to my definition of "Friend". this, does not mean i expect all my friends to have a really close "intimate" relationship with me such as the average person's "bestfriend"; it simply means, i require a better quality of friends. like i'd so rather have zero "friends" than to have a whole bunch of crappy "associates".---Wayne, and i discuss this frequently.
Everytime i tell someone "I dont have any friends.": they always say what? yes you do what about vanissa, alisha etc..
well, i guess yeah i'll just use those two as a way to explain what "i dont have any friends" means.
Vanissa and Alisha have been my close companions since like 6th grade. i love them like so much; my type of kids. Funny/Chills/=]/etc. B U T if you look at their relationship like
Vanissa<--->Alisha
and not Vanissa<--->Alisha<--->Sua.
thats what i consider a bestfriend. [lol so i guess we're past the "friend" part.] They have like just like the best "bestfriend" relationship anyone could have according to my definition. Its pretty hard to put my definition into words for "bestfriend" but its just like that O N E person, not no huge ass group, who u go to for any and everything. Both of you can M U T U A L L Y talk to each other about anything; and like ur not scared to tell each other certain stuff or scared of judgement and stuff. like they tell me stuff here and there, but they censor it or leave parts out. But they are definetly my best quality of "friends".
I realized that i dont have that one person, but i would love to have him/her.---Marcus and i discussed this.
like idk if its me or the world who has the problem. lol well, i dont really have a realProblem. im content with what i have or dont have im just saying it would be nice to have like that person.
Miles--sorry his name's also in this blog,but he's been ranting about how he wants to meet somebody new. Well, at first i was like wow he doesnt appreciate his NOWfriends; but after my trip to Princeton i really understand what he means. There are so many different people out there and when you meet that one person who jus instantly shows signs of potentially becoming a close friend of yours, you look at all the "friends [if you have any]" that you currently have, and convince yourself what a better quality group of friends you really want.
I met the sweetest girl Named Candace Mosley on this trip to princeton. We instantly attracted--like it was so wierd. We knew each other for less than 4 hours and you wouldve never known. like she's the type of person i look for in a bestfriend. She was so charismatic and just awesome, my type of kid. after meeting her i realized:
1. i lovee her !
2. i dont have any "friends" like her
which made me think, man! do i have any friends?
lol like we had so much fun its undescribable but basically i figured, this is how i should feel around someone i call my friend; i mean sure there will be bad times but all the goodtimes ive had with "friends" were nothing like this 4 hour hangout with her.
Not to like down any of my current "friends" but idk i think its me.
i DO have friends,i just feel like distant and like nobody's there. which they arent,but claim to be.
so shit, idk im Almost confusing myself.
i suppose im expecting too much, idk whateveer.
i know one of my problems is my "flings".
because i am, who i am; i tend to attract to almost anybody then we're like soo close, then we die off.
two examples:
Shakila Vs. Kelsie
last year Kelsie and i were inseperable! like i still love her til this day, but we dont hang or rarely even talk anymore. but once upon a time we were like bestbuds had so much fun together. then this year we just sank like the titanic lol--were like "associates" indirectly.--thats what i call a fling.
The one, and only exception to my "fling" ideal is Shakila. We've known of each other since 9th grade but around mid-11th grade we became like inseperable lol. always together everywhere,talking all the time...and i've been waiting like to see us fade out but we're still like just as close as we were before. like i mean we dont even have to talk everyday but everytime we get back around eachother or we talk on the phone or something we always still have that fire burning, it is so strange but i love her. She's the one person who's shown potential to be like that one "bestfriend"; like she doesnt judge me, but she'll say whats real. same with me. we dont bite our tongues to "spare" eachothers feelings which maybe the downfall in alot of my friendships.like ppl wont tell me stuff cuz they know imma say how i feel and if they were in the wrong they dont want me to tell them "u were wrong" so yeah. lol
since this is already long i might aswell address labels.
so the other day alisha said "...sua ur my bestfriend toooo"
then i told her"u dont have to label me as ur bestfriend just to make me feel better"
then i realized labels do not have to be mutual.
like i could consider shakila my bestfriend, but she may consider me as like just her regular friend.
like kanye west could be my boyfriend, but still consider amber to be his girlfriend.
lolololololol
now, back to the alisha thing. so she replied like "sua if u dnt wanna be my bestfriend jst say it".
now the problem with unmutual labels is that one person is always going to get the short end of the stick.
for example:
vanissa/alisha always together blababaa
im hardly ever with them now, but they still consider
me a bestfriend. but me looking in is like what?no its just you two
so i may feel were not bestfriends,but they still consider me that. lol confusing?
idk how to explain it but yeah like i said they are still one of the best quality friends that i do have.
Lesson:
"I'm no longer running around trying to F I N D that "friend" or "bestfriend"---the best kind of friends come to you naturally,and those are the keepers =]"
*Bestfriend [noun]- an intimate companion; held in one's highest regards; most important
Now, i forget why i wanted to define those words lol, but uhm yeah "Friend".
i guess everybody has different definitions of "friend"; some people consider a "friend" a person who they associate with, but then why would "associate" and "friend" be like two different words? i dont really care for all the other defintions of "friend" but the two i listed above are relatively close to my own personal definition.
i have a lot of associates often mistaken for friends. Im pretty friendly, so i interact with all kinds of people and form some type of bond with them almost instantly. However, at the end of most days i just think "who are my friends?".
Who are my friends?
like realrealreal friends.
*Friend-a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
Now, to me this definition would be perfect for "associate", like most of the people i have relations with i am attracted to with feelings of affection or personal regard. This does not mean we are friends. this does not mean i would spill my whole life story to you. this does not mean i would go to a party with you. this does not mean i will share a can of pepsi, and a box of oreos with you. No, it just means "hey, i think you're a cool person. Blazay-Blazay."
like maybe we have something in common and yada yada, but to me that doesnt mean "friend" it means "hey we have something in common, i think you're kinda cool._"
Now from that thought on you either could potentially be considered a "friend", meaning i find more interest in you and we just go beyond; or you stay in the associate zone.
so wtfsuathenwhatsthedamndifferencebetween'friend'and'bestfriend'idiot!
*Bestfriend-an intimate companion;held in the highest regards;most important
Now this is similar to my definition of "Friend". this, does not mean i expect all my friends to have a really close "intimate" relationship with me such as the average person's "bestfriend"; it simply means, i require a better quality of friends. like i'd so rather have zero "friends" than to have a whole bunch of crappy "associates".---Wayne, and i discuss this frequently.
Everytime i tell someone "I dont have any friends.": they always say what? yes you do what about vanissa, alisha etc..
well, i guess yeah i'll just use those two as a way to explain what "i dont have any friends" means.
Vanissa and Alisha have been my close companions since like 6th grade. i love them like so much; my type of kids. Funny/Chills/=]/etc. B U T if you look at their relationship like
Vanissa<--->Alisha
and not Vanissa<--->Alisha<--->Sua.
thats what i consider a bestfriend. [lol so i guess we're past the "friend" part.] They have like just like the best "bestfriend" relationship anyone could have according to my definition. Its pretty hard to put my definition into words for "bestfriend" but its just like that O N E person, not no huge ass group, who u go to for any and everything. Both of you can M U T U A L L Y talk to each other about anything; and like ur not scared to tell each other certain stuff or scared of judgement and stuff. like they tell me stuff here and there, but they censor it or leave parts out. But they are definetly my best quality of "friends".
I realized that i dont have that one person, but i would love to have him/her.---Marcus and i discussed this.
like idk if its me or the world who has the problem. lol well, i dont really have a realProblem. im content with what i have or dont have im just saying it would be nice to have like that person.
Miles--sorry his name's also in this blog,but he's been ranting about how he wants to meet somebody new. Well, at first i was like wow he doesnt appreciate his NOWfriends; but after my trip to Princeton i really understand what he means. There are so many different people out there and when you meet that one person who jus instantly shows signs of potentially becoming a close friend of yours, you look at all the "friends [if you have any]" that you currently have, and convince yourself what a better quality group of friends you really want.
I met the sweetest girl Named Candace Mosley on this trip to princeton. We instantly attracted--like it was so wierd. We knew each other for less than 4 hours and you wouldve never known. like she's the type of person i look for in a bestfriend. She was so charismatic and just awesome, my type of kid. after meeting her i realized:
1. i lovee her !
2. i dont have any "friends" like her
which made me think, man! do i have any friends?
lol like we had so much fun its undescribable but basically i figured, this is how i should feel around someone i call my friend; i mean sure there will be bad times but all the goodtimes ive had with "friends" were nothing like this 4 hour hangout with her.
Not to like down any of my current "friends" but idk i think its me.
i DO have friends,i just feel like distant and like nobody's there. which they arent,but claim to be.
so shit, idk im Almost confusing myself.
i suppose im expecting too much, idk whateveer.
i know one of my problems is my "flings".
because i am, who i am; i tend to attract to almost anybody then we're like soo close, then we die off.
two examples:
Shakila Vs. Kelsie
last year Kelsie and i were inseperable! like i still love her til this day, but we dont hang or rarely even talk anymore. but once upon a time we were like bestbuds had so much fun together. then this year we just sank like the titanic lol--were like "associates" indirectly.--thats what i call a fling.
The one, and only exception to my "fling" ideal is Shakila. We've known of each other since 9th grade but around mid-11th grade we became like inseperable lol. always together everywhere,talking all the time...and i've been waiting like to see us fade out but we're still like just as close as we were before. like i mean we dont even have to talk everyday but everytime we get back around eachother or we talk on the phone or something we always still have that fire burning, it is so strange but i love her. She's the one person who's shown potential to be like that one "bestfriend"; like she doesnt judge me, but she'll say whats real. same with me. we dont bite our tongues to "spare" eachothers feelings which maybe the downfall in alot of my friendships.like ppl wont tell me stuff cuz they know imma say how i feel and if they were in the wrong they dont want me to tell them "u were wrong" so yeah. lol
since this is already long i might aswell address labels.
so the other day alisha said "...sua ur my bestfriend toooo"
then i told her"u dont have to label me as ur bestfriend just to make me feel better"
then i realized labels do not have to be mutual.
like i could consider shakila my bestfriend, but she may consider me as like just her regular friend.
like kanye west could be my boyfriend, but still consider amber to be his girlfriend.
lolololololol
now, back to the alisha thing. so she replied like "sua if u dnt wanna be my bestfriend jst say it".
now the problem with unmutual labels is that one person is always going to get the short end of the stick.
for example:
vanissa/alisha always together blababaa
im hardly ever with them now, but they still consider
me a bestfriend. but me looking in is like what?no its just you two
so i may feel were not bestfriends,but they still consider me that. lol confusing?
idk how to explain it but yeah like i said they are still one of the best quality friends that i do have.
Lesson:
"I'm no longer running around trying to F I N D that "friend" or "bestfriend"---the best kind of friends come to you naturally,and those are the keepers =]"
Monday, August 3, 2009
BlogSpot: Debut.
BlogSpot.
I Don't quite understand why people come to this place
as a sense of 'Diary' or 'Therapy'. Both of those are supposed to be like Confidential,
where as this website is pretty much open to anyone. I guess people express themselves
on here because, not everyone is going to read it---yet, they want somebody to read it. Its
cute i guess idk but anyone who knows me KNOWS I'm not open about pretty much anything.
-So, Why Do You Have A BlogSpot, Miss.ithinkimbetterthanthisstupidsiteSua?
i have this friend; Miles Blount.
he has a blogspot and i read it ever so often, and i realized every time my name is mentioned
its always affiliated with some type of negativity. I'm always the Villain,,,but I'm not so bad.
and this 'Miles' is supposed to be one of my closest friends, but i guess our feelings towards each other aren't mutual---since he thinks I'm soo bad,but i think he's so cool. So yeah smh, that sucks. so i guess thats a pretty bad reason to make a whole real blogspot. [feel special now?]
I'm pretty bad at dedicating myself to like a diary, or like something involving consistency as far documenting my ideas/feelings. so i guess this will mainly consist of random splurges, music, maybe an Epiphany here or there. but that's it. i don't really care if anyone reads this,i think it looks cool and like idk i just wanna see if i can do it.
I Don't quite understand why people come to this place
as a sense of 'Diary' or 'Therapy'. Both of those are supposed to be like Confidential,
where as this website is pretty much open to anyone. I guess people express themselves
on here because, not everyone is going to read it---yet, they want somebody to read it. Its
cute i guess idk but anyone who knows me KNOWS I'm not open about pretty much anything.
-So, Why Do You Have A BlogSpot, Miss.ithinkimbetterthanthisstupidsiteSua?
i have this friend; Miles Blount.
he has a blogspot and i read it ever so often, and i realized every time my name is mentioned
its always affiliated with some type of negativity. I'm always the Villain,,,but I'm not so bad.
and this 'Miles' is supposed to be one of my closest friends, but i guess our feelings towards each other aren't mutual---since he thinks I'm soo bad,but i think he's so cool. So yeah smh, that sucks. so i guess thats a pretty bad reason to make a whole real blogspot. [feel special now?]
I'm pretty bad at dedicating myself to like a diary, or like something involving consistency as far documenting my ideas/feelings. so i guess this will mainly consist of random splurges, music, maybe an Epiphany here or there. but that's it. i don't really care if anyone reads this,i think it looks cool and like idk i just wanna see if i can do it.
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