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GOOD Morning Vietnam ! !

I'm the Only one in Love.

YesYes, i'm surprised i'm finally writing this too. so like in the past i have tried in so many different forms and fashions to really explain what my theories on "Love" is. i've always had like a tremendously difficult time doing that so i usually fail, and just end up rambling on and on only to further dig myself into a cave.
**lets be clear i'm talking about Romantic Love...i acknowledge there is like family/friend love.

What makes this post any different from the past failures?
-Most likely nothing, well besides the fact that i've been listening to Adele's "Melt my Heart to Stone" for a long time now, and that through my interpretation of that song (which i'm about to write) u can maybe like imply what my theory on love is; most of the people who know me know the rough and basic principles of my theory but i'm pretty sure just about NObody really understands it like in depth.

SO here goes to the douchebags... to the Assholes_every Jerk that i know =]

---When i first listened to this song i thought about a couple where the girl is the only one in the relationship, like she's madly in "love" with this boy,will do anything for him, she's blinded by his ignorant behavior and disregard for her emotions.He just doesn't feel the same way as she does. So how could she be in Love_ Period let alone the only one?

what is love?
what is love?
what is love?

i believe that if there is something called Love then its unconditional and it will be obvious like you'll know it when you see it_it will never go away. so how did she manage to fall in 'love' if the guy didn't ?
she fell in the love with the idea of what she believes Love is i suppose._

i'm over this interpretation...it's just irritating because it's not as poignant as i wanted it to be but i was younger when i was thinking of the song that way.

Recently...i've been thinking about "I'm the Only ONE in Love" as in she's the only one NOT in Love. This is me, Sua, yours truly. like since everyone's going to have slightly different definitions of what Love is, its reasonable for me to say that i think Love is the idea or illusion that somebody cares really strongly about you, makes you feel good and wanted so you convince yourself that Yes! this is what Love is, even these butterflies seal the deal. but how come marriages fail? how come the butterflies fade away after the first month or so? i think because after a while u get comfortable with the idea that someone has finally "accepted you". Love is only an idea just like happiness, so i guess it is what ever u think it is and since my idea is that the Love (the idea)only temporarily exists...essentially it doesn't really exist then. ugh_
I'm fascinated with why i'm so interested in the idea of Love though, and have been for a very long time. "For someone who doesn't believe in Love, you sure talk about Love a lot"-Quinton Gregory...and he's right. i really can't xplain why this is. maybe because i've never been inlove? maybe because i'm tired of seeing SO many failing marriages and relationships? maybe because of the differences between what we see on TV and our real lives? i'm not sure, and i wouldn't say that i'm like anti-love, because if it really DOES exist i'll be willing to accept it and admit i was wrong. i feel like we're constantly looking for acceptance as people, so Love is just a bisubject of just feeling like atleast ONE person out there accepts or wants you. idk___

this is NOT what i wanted this post to look like of course lol, better luck next time i suppose =]

AstoldbySua_

RandomRandomRandom

*coughing* Heyyyy there, Sua hereee!

SO i woke up this morning and half of my leggings were like just off, and one of my socks were off and i rolled over and almost fell off my high ass bed, but luckily i didn't.
But once i got up i realized how FREAKING cold it was like, ridiculous right?
and mind you i get out of this gloriousss hot shower, only to be shivering naked when i get back in my room ugh. thats the only thing i dont like about the mornings, they're so cold and its still technically "summer".

Boy i miss summer, well not this summer or the weather, but just the season itself like its such a happy season, full of icecream and water. well i dont care about the water part because im sure a LOT more people drown in that water in the Summer than they do in any other season._Duh Sua.

so i had math this morning, and it was a breeze as usual. i really regret not trying my hardest on my placement exam because last night i was sketching out my plan for the next 3 years and it just seems like i dont have enough time to do everything i want to do. basically u need 120 credits to graduate, but with my [potential] Anthropology major requirements, Pre-med requirements and GENed requirements [stupid], its like i'll be slitting my wrist faithfully for the rest of my life like idk how imma squeeze this all in, but whatever i'm determined, im a soldier.

i knew it would be rough, but it would be a lot easier for me if i was A)Richer or B)Smarter. which i am niether lol. mannnnnn can you imagine how much easier life would be if we were just a little richer? like damn, we would never have to talk about money. our hopes and dreams wouldnt be so diluted and shaped by money. like as much as people deny it we ALL know if money wasn't an issue we would not want to be frikken research scientist couped up in a lab finding the cure for dog measles...i mean i want to be a pediatrician like a lot because i want to HELP kids_flat. but if i didn't have to worry about money all the fuckiing time i'd be a lot more motivated and optimistic about actually reaching that stage and taking all these damn classes. for me taking these classes just look like someone stealing money from me that i don't even, am not promised to have from the future. can u imagineeeee someone just taking money that u couldve had when ur like 26 smh depressing.

but anyways i have class at 11:20...it's 11:03 but i was determined to blog just because i feel like im getting closer and closer to that explosion i usually have like 3 or 4 no 6 times a year. like im really like a bottle i repress certain emotions and so the bottle tends to overfill sometimes unless i find some other defense mechanism to re-repress these emotions. lol in most cases i dont so i just EXPLODE most times with anger, few times with just sporadic thinking and anxiety. wait whats anxiety? im not anxious like i think about killing myself_if thats what it means...just anxious like idk how to explain it.

UHM, i love fridays here, they rlly are the best days.. i meet SO many diffferent people at different schools and just have a lot of fun. saturdays are WEAK though, ugh dont get me started. uhm OH ugh the boys here, [the few straight ones] are mad cocky like its disgusting. like WOAH 1) u go to AU...who TF has heard of AU? lol no but forreal, and 2)if i put u next to anybody else in the realworld u rlly wouldnt be like worth shit. like yeah. surprisingly it seems like a few of the basketball players here are humble and nice people. ha! Go figure! who wouldve thought?

11:07
so this didnt turn out to be as random as i thought, yes *score!* its just about my life as of now, minus my family home life-_- and minus like anything else outside of AU.
i guess i can talk about "friends" uhm..dotdot i love the ppl i love all in their own ways, i love even more the ppl who i dont have to talk to everyday to still like be actual friends with something to talk about. like omg i saw a hs friend the other day like someone i used to actually talk to like communication_hello but it was so akward..we had nothing to talk about lol. which brings me to a beautiful.. wait did i spell that right [Bruce almight...B e A U-tiful] okay yeah i did. uhm right a beautiful memory of this convo i had with laye about life after highschool and Jazz. lol uhmyeah he's right.

i've come to realize a lot of people who've told me things in the past about certain people, situations etc...are gradually becoming "right".


i love my Anthro class_you should know this.
11:11
and i reallllllllllllly gotta pee. i like taking the stairs but only on the way down, cuz going up to the 6th floor with a backpack is NO fun. omg whew! uhm i wanted to put this coolASS picture i found on this blog...ehh will i have time? i gotta dash like jimmy neutron haha u should see how fast im typing ayeeee lightning...

Ciaaaao!
for Nowwwww!

My Life as a Rubiks Cube.

I Know what i want, How do i get it?

I need to get all the red's the green, orange, blue, yellow and whites all to their separate sides in order to create that unity, that success.

I got the red side, this is the one and only side i have successfully figured out and i want to keep this side undisturbed; but now i need to figure out the rest of it; i just really don't want to have to pull apart the red, but i know'll have to.

I Know what i want, What do i need to get it?

Well, obviously i'm going to need to accept the fact that it's not just going to come to me. it's going to be a load of hard word and i'm going to go through a lot of changing, shifting and molding of this Rubiks cube to get it to what i want it to look like_i need it to look like.

I will need patience and time, things dont always have to be so sudden, over time it will mold into what it shall be and through all the frustrations of constantly reorganizing the cube, eventually it will be complete_I will be complete.

I Know what i want, Why do i want it?

I want it because it will be worth it. It will be so worth the long nights and silent moments of doubt i've gone through over persistently working to get each side to match.

I want it so that i can show all those who've doubted me that i am everything they said i couldn't be, if not more.

I want it so that i can give it to someone else. Someone else, with a scattered cube struggling to "make it work". I'll give it to them as a source of encouragement as to why its worth it to just keep going at it.

I Know what i want, Who will_can help me get it?

Nobody will help me to shape this cube, but i know Somebody will be with me all the while sitting on the couch or at the dinner table watching me tussle with it.

Nobody will ever understand why perfecting and completing this cube is so important to me, but i know Somebody will be willing to accept it and support me.

I Know what i want, Where will i get it ?

I will get it from the bottom of my heart, from the darkest pits and deepest sections of it. From that place that keeps me hungering_longing for it. From that place where logical_realistic reasoning does not quite exist.

I know what i want, my heart yearns for it everyday. I know what i want and from where i will eventually obtain it---physically, maybe i'm not too sure, but my heart is what will keep me pushing for it_ i know it exists.

I Know what i want, but When will i get it?

I'm not sure, and this is what will be the hardest part about it.
This cube never seems to be quite right, but the worse thing that can happen is that the colors are scattered all over again, but in that event i'll just start at it all over again.

Food for Thought.

I was first introduced to Yelawolf, at the Tavern in American University where there was a B.O.B concert and he opened along with a few others. I reallllly like him, he performed a wide variety of different types of music. from like really thoughtful and deep subjects to just like credibility in the hi-hop world. He's legit i like him uhm i like 'Pop the Trunk' especially the video...i'll probably post it on here one day or another. This is the I Wish Remix: enjoy=]

Hip-Hop, the things you do to Me.

Watch Kanye On Amber Rose

"Nothing is a Deep Place With No Stars."

Titles of future Blogs and Topics.

-KanYe West Tutorial
-Enemies of Love and all His Friends
-My Life as a Rubik's Cube
-RandomRandomRandom
-Evolution of my Music interests


uhm, yeah lets see if i ACTUALLY accomplish this.
i'm thinking atleast 2 of these will be videos, depending on how ugly i am that day.
=]

Movie Dates

I'm just convinced that i was not designed to be able to go on 'dates' especially movie ones.

EVERYsingle time i plan to go to the movies, unless im going with girls i just never end up going. Either I bluff or they bluff.

RIP to all the movies i never saw because of the following people:
Remember Me- Quinton C. Gregory

Shrek- Miles C. Blount

Inception- George Abuhmere/ Wayne Rogers

Pineapple Express- Kyle Wise

Harry potter and the Half Blood Prince- I think this one was agirl but still!

i just thought this was relevant because now im superduper behind.!

Ciaao, Au Revoirr, Ding Dong Dehhh

After Class

LoveKanyeWest.

I Love Kanye West, Flaws and all.
I feel like i spend everyday defending him, but honestly i have no problem with doing so because the more people who don't like him means the more KanYe that i get =].
See this man is a creative Genius, people don't even know half of the things he's produced or contributed to...which is why they disrespect him and discredit him.
He's had a rough time, fitting in but thats perfectly fine because the reason i love him is specifically because he stands out among 'Stand-outs'; because obviously other artist stand out to me but even among them i would still choose him.
His music completely inspires me, i swear he talks about everything i think about.
like we have similar ideas, about how things are; why things are the way they are; and i mean im not the biggest fan of his obnoxious and rude side, but i mean we all have our flaws dont we?.

im so annoyed with the media, they really do control the perception of our society and THEY choose what YOU like and what you don't. so for everybody who claims to be so different; Just NO...everybody's different, so ultimately we're all the same.
and if the media portrayed things and people in a different light, we all would view things veryvery differently then we do today. i think its sad how they build these artists and celebreties up only to knock them down, like they are ALSO human beings you cant treat ppl like that; but whatever, it will continue to go on like that: it pays the bills. but it just sucks for the fans because through the media is how we stay connected with artists and music and just stuff, but when they torture celebrities they just go into hiding and we never see them anymore which Fucking sucks.

hmm what else..
i like to think that people are smart enough to see talent when its thrown in their faces but apparently they can't, people hate KanYe West soo much they wont even admit that his Lyricist skills are Ridiculousssb. now thats just a matter of pride and stupidity. but you don't have to like him personally, or his personality or anything but atleast admitt that he is extremely talented.

i feel like i've written this blog a million times before..
but as far as this devil worshipping bullshit, i think its hilarious, and i feel like people are sooo desperate to label people as SOMEthing that they scrutinize every little detail and reverse its original meaning to relate it back to the devil lls...i'll pray for you all.
i can't believe i even gave that controversy like attention lls smh silly SUA!
but hmm what else OHH
i L o v e how somehow , there are like 6 different types of kanye's
and his fans like come ON now, who are you people? like really.
where are you? where is your loyalty?

i hate like absolutely hate when i ask people
"Do You like KanYe West?" and they reply like
"i liked the old KanYe"---->lmfao what the fuck?
because Yeah, people have the ability to just switch their identities everytime they come out with an album?
no. The Kanye West who made '808's and HeartBreak' in three weeks, is the Same Kanye West who made The College Dropout in 2004.
like we knocking people for being creative now?
we knocking people for experimenting now?
we knocking people for trying new things?
lol jeez, thats scary. i wish people would be open minded to change.

mann im really passionate about this, and if ANYbody knows ANYthing about me they know that i completely and utterly love Kanye West and his contribution,,matter fact his initiation of the change in Hip-Hop.

Oh this picture is of Kanye and Amber Rose, i love their relationship: i just wish Amber Rose had an English accent, she would be even more gorgeous!
Ciaaao,,
[i decided to NOT be predictable, and didnt quote him ONE time in the Blog..lol]

Corinne Bailey Rae - I'd Do It All Again

this is what im listening to as i do my English and Sociology Homework.

Kid Cudi speaks why he doesn't like hip hop! claims one of the Top 5

I've watched this video like countless times since whoever posted it.
like it made me realize how much i really like Kid Cudi and how much he's so under the radar, =,,like almost as much as Lupe and we all know how much i love him.
So, as i continue to watch it i just thought i'd share what i like to do on my doodling times =].


**Still mad he didn't mention J.Cole though,, even though i KNOW J.Cole is going to join the "Underrated Party" of Hip-Hop because he's ridiculous, people need to watch out.

The Art of College and it's 'Roommates'.

For My Lovely Roommates for the Summer,Ali & Nelly.


im glad u guys are who u are because were all different enough that were not like a clingy clique, and can respect eachothers space and time and life BLAH but were all similar enough to be able to live with eachother and communicate and actually idk just like eachother. i mean we all have different friends or different people that we choose to hang with during the day and while doing certain activities, but at the end of the day we all have a different "Roommate" Bond that we share with no one else which i think is awesome.
Ali's the mega cool chill roommate. doesn't spend much time in the room, because she has cool hideouts like the Dav or the Library. listens to GREATmusic. Has a cool Style and sense of humor and is just overall a nice person to live with. a fairly light sleeper who is Practically lightsensitive lol. we know when she can hear us or is slighty annoyed by sounds in the room while she sleeps cuz she'll like move around on her top bunk alot lol its funny.

Nelly is like our secret weapon. doesnt rlly talk to much people cuz she basically hates it here lol. HOWEVER because i have the privilidge of rooming with her she pretty much has to talk to me. This girl is the crazziest funniest girl everrrr...we have goooood times just cracking up laughing at eachother. somewhat sensitive/homesickish but she'll survive! u'll surviveeeee!!!

Then theres me, the fairly random, always awake roomate. i try to stay out of the room at night cuz i dont wanna wake these early birds up lol, mayb i should start sleeping on time so i can actually wake up without rushing in the morning?! if i edge "oversleeping" they'll wake me up though so yay for their compassion lls. uhm but yeah i think we all kind of have similar interest in what we think is funny and just overall humor anyways but yeah.

this was a random blog inspired by Ali and I cleaning up our room, it's beautiful !

The Edges of People.

I like how you want to be my friend now, i feel SO special because you stopped talking to me over nothing about 6 weeks ago but now since YOU control our "friendship switch" and apparently whenever u turn it on everything is supposed to be all good again because YOU said so right?...

People who do this to their "Friends" should realize that while they turn the "friendship switch" off...the other person isn't waiting by the door for you to turn it back on, no in fact they've traveled to another room alltogether...so when you DO go to turn it back on realize that time doesn't go backwards...it goes forward. Things change; People change. Change isn't always a bad thing, but sometimes things are just the way they are. Make decisions that you are willing to completely accept the consequences and or benefits from.

Just a thought,
Of Course AstoldbySua=]

There is EveryONE, then There is: M i l e s.

Everytime i say "Miles" i think of Maroon 5's song "She will be loved" when he says "I drove for Miles and Miles and Wound up at your door"...Random thought;
But Miles C. Blount, quite a significant character in my life.
We barely talk anymore and even when we do its barely of any substance.
Crazy how things change, i wouldn't say our friendship has changed for the 'Worse' per se though; i think we do pretty good, considering our new lives so im Good like what?! Like God with an Extra 'O'---Yup!

This blog is being made, while im currently procrastinating on doing Math homework =] oh joy! But it's worth it, cuz i dont think i tell you enough that i love you.
"So here Goes:
I Love You
I Love You
I Love You
I Love You
I Love You
I Love You.
---6 times of course, it's only appropriate =]
well damn actually it's 7 if you count the first one before "Here goes"..
hmm well Miles, just know that when were not talking u more than likely crossed my mind that day...whether it be through another one of your Controversial Statuses at 2am in the morning, or just from hearing a song that reminds me of you, which are a lot actually lls so yeah. Just know that.---->And Hearts Semi-Colon.

Oh crap everytime im about to end this i think of something else lol, you asked me if i had found your "Replacement" yet, and i told u this already but let me reiterate this;I most likely will NEVER find another Miles, and im thankful ur my friend cuz u like make it seem okay to be bold and spontaneous, and while others may say im wierd or whatever u reassure me that im just as Cool as anybody else so 6yay's for u Miles.
Alrighty this is really getting too nice, but i guess JUST for this post only: it's Okay.=]

Radiohead- Scatterbrain

This is probably my favorite song by them, or the most listened to and i've just been surfering you-tube and i always click on this video. idk one day i'll figure out what it all really means. =]

Radiohead - Climbing Up The Walls

Cool Video; Cool Band.
i remember the only reason i first listened to RadioHead was because i was reading this Kanye West interview and he was saying how thats his favorite band and i was like WOOOHOO and i checked them out and im mad i never listened to them on my own; they're pretty awesome.

Sunglasses.

I was randomly fascinated by Sunglasses and how you can hide so much Shit behind them.
From a Black Eye to a Broken Heart, these things work wonders in concealing both.
So when the summer comes and everybody gets a pair of their own glasses, i think its no longer about the 'Sun' even though they do help to block out that too; but i think its like a sign of insecurity or conformity. Because everybody has a pair i have to aswell?
hmph idk this is just my opinion; of course there are people who just like the way they look but some people rather have the ugliest pair of sunglasses than to just not have em at all lls. whatever this is too hard for me to explain but yeah thats what i was thinking when i took this.

Why Can't Life Always Be This Breezy?

The Fourth of July.

Happy Fourth of July, Today i am Proud to be an American: African American to be exact.Im sure the founding fathers would be disgusted with how our country is today as far as Poverty, Gap between Rich and Poor lol and all that Jazz. all i can say is that i wouldnt rather live in anyother country besides the US and Australia lol but whatever, Have a nice day everyone.=]

G o G r e e n.

The Day After..

The 1st of every Month, was the Anniversary of the only Relationship i ever really cared about/tried in.
We were like Bestfriends basically, but like those bestfriends who EVERYbody knows like eachother but they always deny it.
sometimes i wish we were just "Bestfriends" strictly, because we had a good friendship.
like we would be the coolest and could've just had good fun, with no complications of like emotions and crap.
It was fun while it lasted, almost a year later, i still am unsure on why it ended.
but truth is it shouldve never started, im glad we are recovering friends though lol.
* i just wanted to take the time to write this because it's July 2nd and it's the first time i didn't notice July 1st, which was once really important to me.


"Proceed, Progress and forget all the Rest."

The Police Don't Play...

NO JAY-WALKING IN WASHINGTON, DC!

Tell Everybody That You Know..

You Know who you are, You are my Favorite.
i Love and Hate you, like seriously at the same time.
We fight like everyday when we do communicate,
but Question is it Strange that---that this is exactly why i enjoy talking to You?
i mean not on no creeper shit as YOU would say, but really i don't think
i'd like you if you werent as Brutally...Self-esteem Altering...insanely Sarcastic&&Mean.=]
Lol, i mean i have my fair share of comebacks but YOU, J-Money affiliated!, win the competition by farrrrrrrrr.
You act like you think im a creeper, but i know you enjoy my company or
prescence or replies? lls idk what to call em but whatever.

i just wanted to let YOU know that i'm completely and Utterly Fascinated by You.
Like of ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL the people in this cruel ass World; How did I, the sweet and innocent Sua, fall Victim to such a Monster? smh
Sike but really i am interested in why i entertain Random ass convo's about [Black people or Kanye West/Jason Mraz, BCPS vs. YourUnknownCountySchool]---->with you. Not to mention the fact that i get my life bitched every second i talk to you lmao.
i will DEFINITELY be needing Therapy after a day actually hanging out with you.

Worst part is that i find you to be one of the Cool-est people i've ever Known.
Correction: *"Worst part is that i find you to be one of the Cool-est people i never Knew."
Like if you think about it we know almost nothing about eachother, it is quite strange///and my mom told me to never speak to strangers;
Speaking of Mom's, i Love yours.

Whatever i guess we'll figure it out along the way.
im glad were "Friends"---Just thought you should know.

In spirit of my New interest in Photography BY THE WAY, i chose this picture of you because it's AWESOME Photography in my Eyes...and more than that i like that it Conceals your identity; Notice that i didn't say your name ONCE throughout this fucking essay. =]!!
***I did this because if ANYone else knew who you are, which they probably do, they'd become friends with you, then i wont have anyone else to vent on when my life sucks. or i wont have anyone to argue with just for the sake of arguing. ;p and we alllll know how much life sucks without people like YOU, to Bash on people like ME.

American University: The "Loungers".

We L i t e r a l l y, made a tent from ceiling to floor in the Study Lounge.
We even danced our 'tribal' dance all around in a circle in the tent to like admit people to come inside lmfao!
How awesome is it to finally find people who are just as "wierd" as people at home describe me to be.
funniest thing everr was that we invited the whole floor but noone wanted to come because they were all too good to sleep on the floor lls so we built it and were the only Ones to sleep in it, but overall it was a fun experience: i can sleep ANYwhere so i had Zero complaints lls

The "Loungers": Sua, Andre and Rosalie =]

[&]And on My 18th Birthday He found Out i Wasn't His!

June 28th, 2010: H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y.

I'm thankful that God has guided me throughout these crazzzzy 18years.
I'm thankful for my family and their help/support through our crazzzzIness.
I'm thankful i am a Highschool Graduate more than that an enrolled College student.
I'm thankful for my Friends.
I'm thankful for Kanye West, and Sweet music overall.
I'm thankful and eager for whatever is in my future to approach.

withLoveLoveLove---->Me.

I Wish You Incite so you can See for Yourself:

Welcome Back? I know...it's been far too long. Not much has changed, i left for my Summer College program June 20th and i was really bummed my Summer basically ended early; but now i've accepted that this is just hows its gonna be for a few more weeks. i met some AWEsome people there its wierd not being with atleast two of them right now as i type this in my room back at home...Thanks to DC and the fact that i have a new phone AFTER TWO YEARS OF TRASH :D and the fact that i have like two different styled cameras on there thanks to Lola: i've been taking Pictures like crazy. These pictures tell the stories i'd love to share through blogs or just verbally except they tell em wayyyyy better than i could; so i think i'll just start posting pictures of what i was doing and what i thought looked cool; ----->Judge it, Hate it, Love it, but Enjoy it.

Sometimes i might explain the pics, sometimes i won't. sometimes they'll be self-explanatory just know that every picture i took was taken because i needed basically a snapshot of what the thoughts in my brain at that moment looked like lol strange i know.

^^^Like this pic above was taken as i was bored outside but then i was sitting criss-crossed kinda-ish; then i realized that the way i was crossed was more similar to how the man sitting across from me had his legs crossed while reading a newspaper...like why don't i cross my legs like women should? like why?...but anyways i don't know if i picked that up from him in this instance but im sure i've sat like this several times before..THIS time in particular i decided to capture that random moment in my brain///not to mention i had on those cool shoes and i was snappin pics anyways =]

You're gonna miss me when im gone.

Im sitting here in the dark just thinking, i've been thinking alot lately now that we're nearing the end or highschool.

Omg i realize why i never hear my alarm n thats because im always txting ppl and the vibration scares me so my fone stays on silent then i end up falling asleep with my fone on silent then i just dont hear my alarm cuz like yeah.

Uhhh idek what im talking about on this blog, the idea for it originally was simple and nice and jst yeah but of course my sporadic brain has decided to take another route.

So like i feel like maybe 2-3 years from now if we make it passed 2012--i think people will look back on highechool and realize that i was really a good person to have in their lives and i hope they realize how much they took that for granted.You may call that statement 'tooting my own horn' or whatver but i call it just plain ol realness. Like reallly i don't have much like material things to give to people but i have alot of heart and im truly there for most of the people i associate with until they push me away.
I know everybody says this but i dont care,i really like live it.

i want a carmel sunday with oreos in it like so badly right now; im fat-i've accepted it.
OH it totally blows me how much attention people need its like so pathetic, its like me being a rapper and leaking my own music then going on CNN to voice how angry i am about my music being leaked to the public. LIKE wtf people need to realize that other people dont care abouttheir lives, of course if you personally INSERT new information in our lives we are going to have an opinion on i bu that doesnt mean we was researchin you like 'hmmm wonder whats going on in your lfe' dany like no.

That has just been blowing me for like the past couple of weeks, when you realize that people arent necessarily 'hating' on you perhaps they just came across new info and took a stamce, maybe he world will contain less tension and hostility.
Mm mm

*i dropped my fone, now i realize why i can never find it when i wake up in the mornings, and its always like curled up somewhere underneath my bed.


I hope the upcoming senior activities will be fun,, school really blows me and its not even school its SPECIFICALLY Randallstown highschool and all of its staff--scatch that it Baltimore county PUBLIC school system period and all its rules and regulations they're just TRASH. Rasheed and i had a long passionate convo about the Corrupguon in our school. Mmmm
Can anyone say Socio-Economics?

Recently i've been so intrigued by my relationships with certain people, is crazy how the way you imagine your relationship to be with someone turns out to be false in reality.
For example:

In my mind: Person A and I are maddd tight we rlly are cool thats my homie for life*(a long time)
In reality: Person A and Sua only associate in school, in class at that.

I got accepted into Toswon today April 23rd like wtf they dumb late, im kinda sure im going to American though.
Its my Escape.

Im so infactuated with Kings of Leon, i'll let them take me away because i really have like nothing else to say..

Boys will always win.

I want to study human nature with emphasis on like interaction with eachother.
Antoinette and I were outside, observing a couple interact with eachother and its funny we noticed
that the way our friend treated their 'significant other' they would never treat anyone else, and that even though
they knew we were there they were somewhat in their own world- where NOthing or ANYbody else matters.
now this can be both a good and bad thing:
Goodthing--->you're so in 'love', you're so happy you dont care about anyone else; this single person fulfils all ur wants u look for in a person.
Badthing--->what happens to all the people who were there for u from the beginnning, you're friends,who stuck by you no matter what--where do they fit in?
Answer is..they don't.
it doesn't matter if you 'ride or die' for your friends, they will almost always choose a guy (or a girl) over you.
now his is where it gets tricky, they either:
A) completely cut you off
B)'respectively' distance themselves from you
C)find a lame reason to NOT like you anymore


Truth is that all of those options are lame, like really.
why can't everything in your friendships remain the same whether your relationship status is altered or not.

THIS is what's wrong with people, they forget' the ppl who are there for them BUT when they break up with their 'significant' other (which they always will eventually do) they come RUNning back to you, expecting YOU to still be there for them . Its like they put you on pause then they press play whenever they like, like really smh.



To all the people who do this to their friends, whether subconciously or conciously: I want you to know that YOU suck, Yes YOU;
"They say you never know what you got til its gone"
'I say you never deserved what you had to begin with if u let it get away'.




InLovingMemoryofMostofMyFriendships[2000-Present]
-Boys will always win.

The Beautiful Stranger.

The Beautiful stranger, what is his name?
How did we get here,how did we get here once again.
we were so tight, you were my favorite only guy.
we really did meet eye to eye.

Who is that Beautiful Stranger, the one i used to call?
i miss the late nights, the ones where we would talk for hours.
there has still been no other, who has broken that 7am record we made a couple summers ago.

Why Beautiful Stranger, did we let this go, or did it just fade?
we're letting our lives slowly distance away.
i miss the sessions where we would just sing, or just talk about
silly things.
the times where we could careless what else in the world was happening.
i'll blame it on me.

i was the catalyst gone wrong.
they say people never know what they've got until its gone, but i knew what i had
not knowing i was abusing it all along.

we're going to bounce back, we always do.
this time is just taking a little longer than the other few, nonetheless we will make it through.

Who is that Beautiful Stranger?
That Stranger is You.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

Wallflower: "Someone who sees everything, knows everything but does not say a word. They are not loners, they are introvertive, meaning they are shy and have a social disease. They cannot handle having someone pay attention to them even though they crave it as much as anyone else does. Wallflowers are just phased in and faded into the Background."

I, the opposite of a Wallflower completely concur with this definition, however i think being a wallflower can be both a positive and negative thing, and i also think people like me, have wallflower characteristics, which are the positive aspects of course.

Its kinda cool to be able to just sit back and evaluate everything thats going on, you dont get caught up in he say she say drama, you dont have to worry about anybody else's emotions,etc however the thing that sucks about wallflowers is that they are like greedy. They probably have this awesome personality that they are concealing from everybody else, but they still get to hear all the xoxogossip and stories and adventures from everyone else.

I remember what it was like to be a wallflower.
I was always that srawny kid who was always the last to get chosen for the 'cool' team in gym for a game of dodgeball.
I was the kid who blushed everytime i had to read in class, or the kid who would wait afterclass to put puzzles together or read books.

Nobody really noticed this kid, because i rlly didnt do anything that made myself seem interesting let alone like noticeable. However i did get to watch many things unfold with an objective view; uninvolved. like how this guy was cheating on his girl friend, or how these girls were planning to fight at a tree afterschool etc lol

That aspect i think i will like to cherish forever but once u break out of your like shell everything is chill and cool, cuz im still that scrawny awkward kid, except now i dont care what people think and people actually like my personality. so middle fingers to my entire elementary school! lol sike no, i loved most of my teachers LOL and like 6 kids. i try to remain uninvolved in drama, but kids these days mm they will kill to see you trip, its crazy but im a Senior and my time is almost up so for now you'll just catch me chilling-just Wallflowering.